Twisted Spoke

My twisted take on the world of pro bike racing.

Floyd Landis has his anger back! First the Bahamas, then the world!

with 7 comments

Angry again? Let's hope so.

Has Floyd Landis finally tapped back into his fiery core, the dark maelstrom of vengeance, indignation and plain orneriness?

And why, after so much time lost in post suspension Hell, has Floyd relocated his furious mojo in a sun-drenched, happy-go-lucky tropical island in the Bahamas? Strange meets weird and they’ve got some explaining to do.

First, the story: Landis won the time trial in the sunny island — which given the relatively weak field and oddball location might seem un-newsworthy. Except for two things.

One, Landis broke the record his pal Dave Zabriske set two years ago on the exact same course and two, he’s pissed off about it. His exact words were: “I was on somebody else’s road bike with clinchers and no aero clothes. Take that f@*#ers.”

Fast and angry is the two word personality profile of Landis back in his super-human days, when he led Armstrong up the mountains of the Tour de France. It was what drove him to win the 2006 tour when his hip joint was rotting away in a sclerotic mess. (We’re discarding that synthetic testosterone charge just for story flow.)

So, maybe, just possibly, you-never-know-with-Floyd, his anger is back. Hooray.

Now, Landis needs someone to channel and focus his anger and that man is Armstrong. Give the man a Radio Shack jersey, a free Trek race bike and point him at Alberto Contador and say the words “kill.” Floyd will froth, steam will blow from both ears, tires will screech and the Spaniard will be chasing the mad Mennonite up the Alps.

The Tour de France begs for this scenario. It’s mandatory story telling and people should refuse to buy any gizmos from Radio Shack until the corporate sponsors cry uncle … Floyd. Lance needs every high powered weapon he can get his mitts on to even have a shot at El Pistelero. Landis is a shotgun filled with buck shot and nails.

Twisted Spoke has plans to convince the stiff shirts at the Tour de France to accept Floyd back into the fold. But one faux pas at a time. First, Bahamas, then Radio Shack, then world domination.

Now, Landis was wearing his freebie Rock Racing kit down in the Bahamas. But Michael Ball’s team just whiffed on their UCI license and nobody knows what’s happening to the team. The jeans looks great and the strung-out hipster models are cool but, skull logo aside, is this really a home for the Pennsylvania farm boy?

Consider the core fact: Floyd is on record that he simply can’t motivate himself unless he’s back in Europe raising havoc — and do you know why? Landis doesn’t hate Americans; it’s not in his DNA, he can’t get worked up about nice domestic American races and friendly competition from easy-going American riders.

Landis hates pretension and regulations and snobs and strange food and little tiny cars: he hates Europeans. That’s what makes his volcano blow and the lava explode down the mountainside. Floyd needs Europe for motivation — it’s the only place that makes him train like an animal and ride like a demon.

So where are we? Open letter to Lance, that’s where. Strike against Radio Shack until invitation is issued. Then we’ll work on France — and as a French major, I promise the full package of carrots and bull whips. The ship has left the Bahamas and it is heading for France.

Man the Twitter machine. We have much work do to between now and July.

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Written by walshworld

January 26, 2010 at 2:45 pm

7 Responses

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  1. LMAO Excellent.

    Joe Papp

    January 27, 2010 at 8:54 am

    • Joe,

      Even if it was just you reading my blog it would be worth it since you get a kick out of it. And I’m loving your stuff. I think it’s great that you’re really getting your name out there. That’s the way to do it and doors will be opening in unexpected, cool places. You and Joe Parkin have brought two powerful new voices to cycling journalism and the category needs you both.

      Matt

      P.S. What’s with the delay on Zirbel’s B sample? Does he already know or why are they letting him twist in the wind so long?

      walshworld

      January 27, 2010 at 9:06 am

  2. Why does everyone seem to think it would be so great if Floyd were back with Lance?

    Admittedly, I’ve advocated for this myself a bit. But only because I think that Floyd needs a job, any job. Most teams are likely afraid of Floyd because of the political fallout of hiring him. If anyone has the clout to get above that fallout, it’s Lance, and so I’ve forwarded the idea simply because it seems feasible.

    But if it happened, it’d be a shotgun marriage. There’s not a lot of love between those two, and I’m pretty sure Floyd would prefer not to be under Lance’s thumb (although Lance might enjoy having him there). Of course, I don’t think Floyd’s stupid, and a job is a job, so if that was an option he’d take it.

    I think Garmin would be a much better fit for Floyd. There’s some friendly faces there. And Jonathon Vaughters, as president of the rider’s union, also has the political clout to make it happen, by arguing for rider’s rights, and accepting the sanction system that’s in place.

    tom

    Thomas A. Fine

    January 27, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    • Thomas, thanks for reading and writing. Garmin would be a tough one, I think, because they have a zero tolerance for doping. Landis would severely compromise the their program if only from a perception basis.

      walshworld

      January 29, 2010 at 9:06 am

  3. I keep thinking Amore e Vita. They gave Chad a chance – why not Floyd. I’d love to see Floyd tearing up Italy.

    Caroline

    January 27, 2010 at 5:43 pm

  4. I think BMC would be a better choice, except the they are only Pro-Continental, and easier to disinvite, but less troubled by sponsor flightiness. Landis and Rihs still get along, as far as I know. It’s Lelangue and Floyd that have some friction, and that’s easily avoided by not having them go to the same events.

    -dB

    David Brower

    January 27, 2010 at 6:17 pm

  5. GREAT post. I would love to see more Floyd anything. Radio Shack would be a dream but I doubt Bruyneel would take the chance of signing someone the French and UCI so clearly despise. Their whole team could be impacted by that. Meanwhile, same true for BMC. THey risk not getting the big invites if the UCI wants to black ball Landis.

    james

    January 29, 2010 at 4:45 pm


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