Bruyneel hooked. Still casting for Armstrong. A twitterific day for Twisted Spoke.

What a rockin’ Monday morning.

Twisted Spoke crawled out of bed Monday on a cold, wet rainy Belgian kinda day to discover we’d landed one of the two biggest fish in the cycling ocean.

Jonan Bruyneel is now following TS on twitter. Holy moly. I held the iphone mail up to my wife to show her the fantastic news and she said “Who’s Johan Bruyneel?” Just kidding. Even my wife, who has a low interest in cycling personalities, knows who the famous director sportif is. Which is proof the flash cards I made her for christmas are yielding results.

Bruyneel in Da House!

My son gave me a monotone “that’s great dad” before burying his face in a bowl of Honey Nut O’s. Jesus, did I somehow end up with the wrong family? This is Bruyneel we’re talking about! (We note he has 50,500 more twitter followers than us so we’re in catch-up mode.)

Bruyneel, along with Sir Armstrong and Phil Liggett form the holy trinity of cycling sainthood in my part of the world. Some people in Norcal stick a small buddha shrine in the corner for spiritual grounding –me, I got Bruyneel’s picture next to a sacramental bowl of Cytomax.

If I were a political blogger, it would be like Al Gore following me. If Twisted Spoke was about Hollywood titillation, it would be like landing Brittany Spears. You want more analogies — of course you do. Let’s try this — Michael Jordan-Pele-Bono-Mandela-Clooney is following you on twitter. We tremble with excitment.

So, a big, hearty, twisted welcome to arguably the  greatest DS in cycling. Our first memory of Bruyneel was watching the ’95 tour when he basically drafted behind Indurain for what seemed like 50 miles, the Spaniard doing the entire workload, until Johan came round to steal the stage win. I remember thinking, wow, that guy has balls to just sit on King Indurain’s wheel like that. Sounds like a book title — “we might as well win,” right?

That stage showed a part of the ruthless drive and modus operandi he would later employ as director sportif for US Postal, Discovery, Astana and now Radio Shack. Bruyneel will do whatever it takes to win a bike race. Eight Tour de France wins on his resume and he’s in the hunt for nine.

Now your winning percentage tends to shoot up when you have Armstrong on the roster but who’d argue with Bruyneel’s many talents. The man can say “guys, ride at the front” in six languages. Someone once said that famous Alabama football coach Bear Bryant could beat you with his players, then switch and take yours and beat you again. Same deal with the battling Belgian.

There’s a glut of top line director sportifs these days — although most have moved into upper management. Bruyneel, argyle genius Jonathan Vaughters, egghead Bjarne Riis — and we’ll throw in Eusebio Unzue for kicks and Scott Sunderland of Sky because he’s trained under the masters. But Bruyneel, along with Armstrong, still has the most influence. As new Astana DS Giuseppe Martinelli observed recently, they are “the two most powerful men in cycling.”

This year Bruyneel crossed over from famous team director into pure celebrity status. Bruyneel taught Armstrong how to win a grand tour and the Texan returned the favor by showing Johan how to become a glittering brand name. Bruyneel now works all media channels with his tweets, facebook fan page, website, youtube channel, sports marketing company and on and on. You wonder how Bruyneel manages all that? Same way The Man does — he has his people, the B-b-boys.

And despite the 24/7 celebrity lifestyle, Bruyneel is still a master tactician. After discovering last year that Alberto Contador isn’t psychologically fragile, he and Armstrong have switched strategy. They realized you can’t beat the man but you can take a crowbar to his possessions — so they stripped Astana of every rider with a decent VO2 max.

If you can’t destabilize the warrior, destroy his army. This is classic Sun Tzu, straight from the Art of War. Generations from now, some young DS will study Bruyneel’s moves like a military strategist studies Napoleon Boneparte. (Johan, I threw in that massive chuck of flattery as twitter payback, buddy.)

Okay, Bruyneel is the Twisted Spoke boat and we just cast the hook back in the water. Still have to land the biggest fish in cycling. This may take a while and it won’t be easy. Everybody knows the Texas Tarpon is a real fighter.

Bruyneel names Radio Shack long list for Tour. What, no Hollywood?

Penelope in the Shack?

Radio Shack without star power?

Spanish website and Johan Bruyneel mind reader Biciciclismo.com has listed the Shack riders on the long list for this years’ Tour de France.

There are no surprises — Kloden, Leiphiemer, Horner, Zubeldia and that immensely famous Texan who does well in the long stage race held in France in July. What’s his name  — Larry, Lucas, Leroy? No, that guy Lance Armstrong. Sorry, we had a momentary twitter blackout.

With Vegas, the odds go up.

The startling omission was no celebrities or Hollywood types for the Shack tour armada. Previous tours have included Ben Stiller and Robin Williams to keep the team psychologically loose. Brought on for her evocative country western music, Sheryl Crow was a powerful addition to the 2005 squad.

Jake Gyllenhaal has coached Armstrong on “method cycling,” as a way to get deeper into his yellow jersey character. Johan Bruyneel have always been proactive on getting whoever they think will give them an edge — and Hollywood is the mother-lode of star power and motivation.

So who are the stars Armstrong will invite to Le Shack for the Tour de France? The rumors circulating at this time have the Texan amping up the mind games with Alberto Contador. This is psychological warfare and Armstrong is going with the heavy guns on the A-list. He’s already stripped the Astana roster bare, now he’s about to attack Contador closer to home.

The plan is to bring in top Spanish celebrities this year to root for Lance and by implication to critically undermine the support for Contador in his own country. Actresses Paz Vegas and superstar Penelope Cruz have indicated they might be joining Lance on the Shack bus.

Contador's nightmare.

Spanish actor Javier Bardem will apparently fly in and reprise his role as the homicidal killer in No Country For Old Men. An informed source says Bardem will take a position outside the Astana bus in an attempt to unhinge El Pistelero. And Soccer star Fernando Torrez had already agreed to kick a few balls with Armstrong on the rest day.

Lance Armstrong always brings the strongest team to the Tour de France and Hollywood plays a decisive role. This year it’s El Hollywood.

Johan Bruyneel, new media monster.

New media king.

Lance Armstrong created a monster.

The tech savvy, media master himself was the first to take charge of the cycling universe and then expand into world dominance. But the teacher has a student about to surpass him. Johan Bruyneel is now an always live, 24/7 media creature.

The Belgian has taken every digital page from the Lance Armstrong playbook. Bruyneel has his own youtube channel, facebook fan page, web site, an on-going video show, his book (available in 9 languages), charity foundation, a blog and newsletter. He’s working the channels like a seasoned Hollywood star. It’s the full tour de media and Bruyneel has the white jersey for best newcomer.

Like all media creatures that morph into human product, Bruyneel has his own logo and theme line — “Win Your Race.” Bruyneel is a global brand. He’s a life coach, he leads business seminars, according to Phil Liggett, the voice of the Tour de France, he could “inspire a tortoise to sprint.” His book We Might As Well Win earns 4 1/2 stars from readers on Amazon.

Lance showed Johan Bruyneel the magical world of new media and the Belgian dove in head first. Johan already has the tweets down, firing them off from his house, car, office and wherever he finds himself on the cycling globe.

According to his web site, Johan is ready for your next corporate event with a 45 minute speech on motivation plus Q & A and a short film. He leads a sports management and consulting company to help your team reach its maximum global potential. The words genius and mastermind are used to describe himself.

Then there’s his charity work. Along with Trek and SRAM, Bruyneel has brought in hundreds of thousands of dollars for World Bicycle Relief, an organization that provides bikes to poor people in undeveloped regions of the world. He doesn’t have his own bracelet but you know it’s on the drawing board.

He’s slimmed down, there’s a hairstylist, media advisors, his tweets post to his facebook page which updates his website. What other team manager has all this technology dialed in — not even the argyle genius Jonathan Vaughters. His photo gallery covers everything from the personal pics of kids and family to his book tour and many tour wins.

In case you haven’t noticed, Johan Bruyneel is sporting an aura these days. Who’s in those celebrity photos besides Lance? You get one guess. That’s Johan with McConaughyy and Cheryl Crow and Ben Stiller and Robin Williams and Jake Gyllenhaal. Once upon a time, the only star was Lance and everybody else got a slice of dark shadow. That’s not the case anymore. People apparently want to know what’s on Bruyneel’s mind on a daily basis. Armstrong is the famous actor and Johan the renowned director.

Bruyneel watched Lace reach media sainthood and picked up a few pointers. He’s now in that famous person orbit where magazines want a photo spread of his house, they want to know what car he drives, what wine he recommends and they insist on asking what’s on his ipod. The true measure of celebrity status is that journalists, politicians and  other stars  just want to “hang” with him. He’s reached the mythic level where no last name is required: everyone knows who Johan is.

We at Twisted Spoke say, congratulations, welcome to the juicy world of stardom, baby. In all seriousness, the man both earned and deserved it. He’s the best in the business, the manager and director sportif behind an astonishing nine Tour de France wins.

He’s a motivational Jedi, master strategist, he speaks six languages, he’s chalked up several fortunes. Most men would have stopped there, coasting on their rep, but to his credit and with Armstrong as inspiration, Bruyneel widened his horizons. He’s fully involved in fund raising for Livestrong and is now also pumping major funds into World Bicycle Relief.

There’s plenty of dislike directed at Bruyneel and Armstrong. Their power and ego rub some people the wrong way but that criticism masks a lot of jealousy and cynicism. Yes, Armstrong gets some hefty “appearance fees” and yes, Bruyneel tagging himself with “genius” is a bit much.

Meta question: who cares? We’re talking about two super ambitious men who’ve raised millions for cancer research and humanitarian projects all over the world. If that hope and optimism and inspiration come with a side order of ego, well, so what? Name anyone else in the world of cycling trying to do anymore than win a bike race?

So what’s next for new media monster Johan Bruyneel? Hard to say. But you’ll be the first to know — on his tweet feed, web site, facebook page, pod-cast and newsletter.

Four Kazaks on Astana’s 2010 Tour de France team? Three too many?

Kid Kazak

Who is running Team Astana?

Although the normal answer would be team directors Giuseppi Martinelli and Yvon Sanquer, the real power lays with the Kazak Cycling Federation and in particular president Nikolaï Proskurin.

That fact was underlined Saturday when Proskurin, not Martinelli or Sanquer, suggested to L’Equipe that four Kazak riders will be part of the nine man squad for the 2010 Tour de France.

It was this kind of meddling that infuriated former manager Johan Bruyneel. In his interview with the Belgian magazine Humo several months ago, the former manager of Astana claimed Proskurin was always trying to force more Kazak riders onto his roster.

“At the Tour I had selected the Kazak rider [Muravyev] they didn’t want,” said Bruyneel. “They wanted Bazayev and Iglinsky but I suspended the first during the Tour de Suisse because he was messing up his whereabouts and Iglinksy only rides for himself.”

Johan’s ideal number of Kazaks on a grand tour roster? He’d round the number down to zero. “What Vinokourov and Kascheskin messed with isn’t my mistake and except for those two there’s nobody in Kazakhstan. Yes, three domestiques, including two I’m not trusting and a bunch of young guys who aren’t ready for the Tour de France,” said Bruyneel.

(This brings up an challenging new cycling tongue twister: How many Kazaks can a Kazak count on if a Kid Contador could call Kazaks in Kazakhstan?)

At Radio Shack, Bruyneel has eight of the nine riders who were on Astana’s last Tour de France roster. There’s a high probability that defending champion Alberto Contador will be riding with a weaker team and perhaps one with divided loyalties. The Spaniards will ride for Alberto but will the three or four Kazaks?

Alberto Contador admitted last year was his most difficult and rewarding year. Speaking to Spanish daily AS, he said, “It seems that something happens to me every winter. Either I don’t have a contract, or we’re not going to the Tour, or Armstrong decides to come back, or I don’t have a team at all. I always seem to lack some degree of tranquility, but I always manage to avoid letting it affect my training.”

What’s clear is that Contador’s final year with Astana will be anything but tranquil. He won’t be battling with his own teammate as he did with Armstrong. He’ll be battling with the Kazak Cycling Federation. On the plus side, Proskurin doesn’t use twitter like Armstrong. On the downside, Proskurin brings to mind the crude shoe-banging of Khrushchev, the dead Russian cold war leader. It’s Borat without the comedy.

The Kazak Cycling Federation won’t be choosing a tour roster based on talent or a commitment to Contador. They’ll be filling positions based on which riders know the words to the Kazak national anthem. Sample lyric: “Emerging from malicious grip of fate, from hell of fire, We scored a victory of glory and success.”

Johan Bruyneel had the track record and power to over-rule the Kazak Cycling Federation’s roster selections. Will Astana team directors Martinelli and Sanquer have the same control?

Twisted Spoke has examined the situation in great detail. Our assessment: Not a chance in hell.

Police claim Astana had illegal transfusion kit during tour. 7 finger prints for 9 riders. Who got gypped?

Seven different fingerprints, nine riders. WHo was left out?

French police claim they have in their gallic mitts illegal syringes — what they call transfusion equipment– taken from Team Astana during the 2009 Tour De France. This medical stuff is banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Twisted Spoke will not jump into the conspiracy fray. Too early in the case and besides it’s the holidays, a short moratorium on pokey needle stories. However, the intriguing tidbit in this story is the presence of “seven unique DNA fingerprints.”

Now, this could be no story at all. The French doping agency (AFLD) hates the UCI and vice versa. The French newspaper Le Monde, in which the story ran,  has never been a big Armstrong fan. This is probably just huffing and puffing without consequence — a specialty of the French and Italian legal system.

But let’s just suppose for a moment that those seven syringes were illegal and the goodies held within were not just vitamins. What does this mean? Well, the implication is pretty staggering.

Who missed the secret sauce?

It means two riders on Astana tour team got gypped. Right now, two guys on Alberto Contador’s winning Tour de France squad are wondering why they didn’t merit the secret sauce. They’re like the final two kids in line at the ice cream truck on a 100 degree summer day who find out the last frosty rocket pop was just sold.

In other words, they feel cheated, shafted, the black sheep of Astana. Oh, sure, they’re thinking — Armstrong and Contador and Popovych get the good stuff. What about us? No wonder the tour was so exhausting– we were riding without the jet fuel.

Now, knowing the French legal system, this story is just hot air than will slowly dissipate over the next month and nobody will ever hear of it again. But just in case, we think those seven DNA fingerprints could be pretty revealing. Who were the two low men on the Astana totem pole?

Astana Director defends Contador against Radio Shack smear campaign. Geppetto puts up his dukes.

Giuseppe the Astana wood carver.

Alberto meet Pinocchio, Giuseppe meet Geppetto.

It wasn’t much but finally someone from Astana has got Alberto’s back. After the tag team pummeling from Armstrong and Bruyneel this week, somebody had to fire back on Contador’s behalf. Unfortunately it was Geppetto look-alike Giuseppe Martinelli

It was Martinelli the Astana team director, not the kindly wood carver, who disputed Radio Shack remarks that Contador’s ego was out of control. “I found a humble and welcoming boy,” said Martinelli of his visit to Contador’s home in Pinto, Spain.

“He is very serious and linked to work. He showed me his home, but also his trophies and bikes,” said Martinelli, not realizing he’d made the two time Tour de France winner sound like a famous wooden puppet boy.

Showing admirable restraint but no sense of inflammatory drama, Martinelli commented on the Radio Shack shellacking. “There will be a lot of attacks from the two, maybe the two strongest men in cycling, Bruyneel and Armstrong. I think Contador has the capacity to manage what will come.” Hey, you carved those guys up pretty good, Giuseppe. Nice work, buddy.

There you have it, Giuseppe to the rescue. It wasn’t exactly the snarling insults we’d hoped for but we’re still waiting for Kazak head-case Nikolai Proskurin, head of the Kazak Cycling Federation, to fire his guns.

After all, it was his henchmen that stole the Trek-Livestrong time trial bike in Austin, Texas a few weeks ago. Swiped it right out from under the watchful eyes of Mellow Johnny.

In the meantime, Contador will have to rely on big, bad Giuseppe to fend off the Radio Shack attack.

The three-headed monster. Armstrong hints at 2010 Tour de France tactics.

Lance is number one but two and three might be.

This just in from Radio Lance: he will not be the sole leader of the Radio Shack team in the upcoming Tour de France.

“The days of this team being built around me are done,” said Armstrong. “I’m 38 now, I’ll be 39 this season – it would be irresponsible to build it around me. Going into the Tour we have to look at Levi [Leipheimer], [Andreas] Klöden, the tactics, the ideas that we use…”

The statement frames the tactics and sets up the possibility for plenty of surprises for July’s battle in France. The Radio Shack team versus Alberto Contador and his leftovers. Manager Johan Bruyneel and Armstrong will have Leipheimer and Kloden attacking at every opportune moment, keeping the Spaniard guessing and wearing down his weaker team.

Contador admitted as much, telling the Spanish newspaper Barca,  “I am realistic and I know that I have a weaker team than in previous years.” For that reason we’ll have to work hard on motivation in training so that we know what we can achieve and how to do it.”

The scenario becomes even more dramatic if the race radio ban goes into effect, making it harder to make rapid decisions on controlling the multi-headed monster from Radio Shack.

The possibility of tactical mistakes will escalate and that clearly works to the advantage of Armstrong and Bruyneel. Contrast the Grand tour experience of Bruyneel (ten victories) with Astana manager Yvon Sanquer (one Vuelta back in 2001) and you have a mismatch.

In his first official press conference for the new Radio Shack squad, Armstrong sounded more confident than ever about his comeback and his team.

“We have the best team in the world. Of the 9 riders from last year’s Tour de France squad from Astana, 8 are now on Radio Shack. We took the vast majority of the riders from the team that we wanted, so it remains a strong team. We lack that super high level favorite like Alberto [Contador], but I like the chances with the strong guys we have.”

Meanwhile his Spanish rival is already apologizing for his back-up band and hedging his bets. “I know that it will be a difficult year; it’s possible I won’t be able to win the Tour even if I am in good shape. People will be focusing a lot on me, but my rivals know that the team I will have is not the same as before.” Uh, that’s because they’re all wearing Radio Shack jerseys.

The first Astana camp begins this week. With so many new riders coming in, the Spaniard will need name-tags — “Hi, I’m Alberto” scribbled in red ink. Twisted Spoke hopes Yvon Sanquer has some team building exercises in mind, like playing Twister, Kazak Karaoke and flamenco dance lessons.

Armstrong, for his part, thinks he’ll ride even stronger in 2010 than this year after having raced a full season. “All the training, the Tour and the Giro [d’Italia], that will benefit me going forward in 2010. This December already feels different than last December.”

We’re sure Alberto Contador would say things feel different, too.

Bruyneel whacks Contador upside the head again. The Radio Shack tag team in action.

Bruyneel: Beating on Alberto

Where’s the holiday good cheer, the good will to all cyclists, even Spanish ones?

Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel of Radio Shack continue to pummel former teammate Alberto Contador in the press. They’re working him over like a World Wrestling Federation tag team.

A few days ago it was Armstrong in an interview with Australian magazine Sport&Style, telling the world that their Tour de France feud was real. “It’s no secret that we are not friends,” said the not-so-mellow Johnny.

Then in more wrestling action, Bruyneel took down Contador in Belgium’s Knack magazine, saying “Alberto has to learn that fame is temporary. His feet have to come back to the ground.”

Where is Contador’s tweet machine? Where are his PR people? The man has nobody in his corner to protect him from the Radio Shack propaganda campaign.

Sure, the Kazaks behind the Astana team orchestrated the break-in and theft of a $10,000 Livestrong-Trek time trial bike, but who’s got Alberto’s back?

Where is manager Yvon Sanquer with a nasty sound-bite for Armstrong? How about Astana director sportif Giuseppe Martinelli stepping in and threatening Bruyneel with some mafia-inspired vengeance? A bloody horse head on the bed-sheets or a dismembered Trek Madrone. (Maybe they’re just too busy screwing with poor Oscar Pereiro’s contract.)

Bruyneel had already drilled Contador several weeks ago in Humo Magazine but apparently forget a few jabs and called Knack for a follow up. Favorite subject: Kid Contador’s humongous ego.

“He became a superstar, a product, a God in the eyes of all Spaniards. And he has money, as much as he wants, since then,” said Bruyneel. “It is not easy to deal with all of this when you’re just a 26-year-old rider from the suburbs of Madrid.” Alberto, spend a few grand and get yourself a Twitter attack team.

The “Spanish ego gone wild” theme is an ironic one for Bruyneel. Willfulness, runaway ambition and tremendous ego also sound a whole lot like the young Armstrong. But Twisted Spoke is not Alberto’s press body guard — although for say $75 grand we’re up for the job.

There are only two people in Contador’s corner. His mechanic and financial advisor, Brother Fran and the always volatile nut case and loose cannon, Kazak Cycling Federation president Nikolai Proskurin. So far no word from Fran — we’re guessing he’s twitter-less.

So the dirty work goes to Proskurin. No doubt he’s planning something big, bigger than breaking into the Mellow Johnny building and swiping a bike. That was a well-executed raid but clearly the Armstrong camp ignored the message. The Radio Shack gang does not scare easy.

Just remember, the Kazaks don’t twitter. They kill, folks. There may be blood….

Trek-Livestrong bike stolen, Mellow Johnny’s burglarized. A warning from Astana.

Is the Kazak mafia behind this?

This was a warning, pure and simple, in a deadly game of revenge.

There’s no need for police to investigate who masterminded the theft of a Team Trek-Livestrong time trial bike this weekend.

The Trek Equinox TTX SSL was stored in the future home of the Team Radio Shack, in the same building as Lance Armstrong’s Mellow Johnny bike shop in Austin, Texas. We know the guilty party: Nikolai Proskurin, president of the Kazah Cycling Federation.

Revenge is an ugly game and this is all about payback. Armstrong knows the real story and so does Radio Shack director Sportif Johan Bruyneel. Only yesterday Proskurin accused Bruyneel of sabotaging Team Astana’s attempt to re-new their ProTour license. “Bruyneel told us that he would do everything possible to ensure that they withdrew our license,” Proskurin stated.

Our guess is ex-Kazak military made the night raid on the Mellow Johnny store. Or possibly an organized crime group from the former soviet republic. This was a warning –one  bike only. Nobody tortured or killed, no abductions or ransom to pay.

But make no mistake, Nikolai Proskurin sent Radio Shack a message. You stole almost a dozen of my riders at Astana and now you’re messing with my license. Back off or there will be blood. Armstrong is probably on the phone now with Blackwater security and laying a perimeter around the store.

I hate to be the one to say these words but the kids should be sent to a safer place as long as Proskurin and his henchmen are on the prowl.

Note to Austin police: be on the lookout for burly guys with shaved heads and heavy slavic accents trying to order bottles of Marmara Kirmizi beer in the Austin bars. An obvious tip off.

You don’t mess with the Kazaks. This is war and a simple break-in to snatch a $10,000 bike is nothing. This won’t be the last we hear from the Kazak mafia.

Beppu the wheelie man confirms Radio shack signing.

Wheelie Man Beppu in the 2009 Tour de France.

The wheelie is a big dealie.

Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel know what it takes to put together an invincible team for the grand tours.

First, there are the rouleurs, the guys for the flats who can hammer all day, setting a murderous tempo and shoving everyone away from Lance like a New York club bouncer.

Then, there are the super climbers, the guys that deliver Lance up into the high mountains, setting him up for the final, decisive attack. They’re emaciated, ruthless and into torture.

But the forgotten role, one overlooked by most teams but always optimized when Lance is in charge is “the wheelie man.” This is a misunderstood role. Most of the old school euro squads dismiss the wheelie man as non-essential, a circus extra.

Instead they’ll select an extra climber or lead-out man. This is foolish and the results bear out the thesis. In point of fact, the wheelie man has proven one of the many decisive weapons in Armstrong’s tour arsenal.

The role was pioneered by Floyd Landis in the days of the powerful US Postal team. From 2002 to 2004, Landis drove the pace in the Alps and Pyrenees, delivering Armstrong to three yellow jerseys and then celebrating with monstrous wheelies. Soon, the other teams feared Armstrong’s Blue Train and the deadly wheelie.

Now, at almost 38 years of age and hunting for one last maillot jaune in the 2010 Tour de France, Armstrong is taking no chances. Monday, Radio Shack officials confirmed that wheelie man Fumiyuki Beppu was on the squad. It’s the final piece of the tour puzzle.

Does the Saxo Bank team of Andy Schleck have a wheelie man? Nope. Has Astana taken steps to sign a top wheelie man? Doubtful. Thus we see once again the meticulous preparation of Lance Armstrong. Nothing is left to chance — not even the wheelie man. Welcome Beppu.